Soul Cycle is an interesting experience.
I am an introvert who likes to make sarcastic comments in her head, but rarely says them out loud. If you are my close friend, you are usually blessed with hearing everything I am thinking. But, if you are not fortunate to hear my lovely snarky thoughts, you will usually just get an awkward silence from me.
That being said, I recently went to my first Soul Cycle class, and made myself laugh with comments I was thinking throughout the entire experience. I laughed so much at myself, that I just had to share… Because that’s just what I do.
Anyway, if you like Soul Cycle, do NOT be offended by this. Everyone is different, and you probably don’t like my idea of a workout (running at 5:30 a.m.). For those of you who don’t know, Soul Cycle is a high energy, loud cycling group class that couples as a therapy session, or it’s supposed to. The lights are dim, the music is loud and the burn is real.
Each building is clean, crisp and smells amazing. Upon walking in my first thoughts were…
“Crap, I hope I am dressed alright for this.”
“They give you different shoes?”
“FREE GUM! AWESOME!”
“Uhm… why are my shoes wet?”
“How am I supposed to work this locker?”
I finally figured out how to work the self-lock, white, sleek locker and put my shoes on (don’t be too impressed, they were velcrow). Then, a whole new slew of thoughts exploded…
“Crap, how am I supposed to walk in these things?”
“Where is the cycling area?”
“Nope, that’s the bathroom….”
“Whoever rode this bike before me is a giant…”
“Thanks overly energetic human for giving me the quickest explanation of the bike I have no chance of registering.”
“I think if I lean forward far enough, I can touch my head to this lady’s butt.”
“I am easily the largest human in here.”
I was among about 30 other people, and the lights began to dim. The instructor put on her microphone and welcomed us all to this experience we were about to go on together. Once the class got started things got even more interesting..
Instructor: “Okay, class” the instructor stated. “We are riding today for you, for your problems, for your strength. Whatever you need to do. We will go through it together.”
Que my thoughts…
“Yea, right. Okay.”
“Why is everyone here so happy and energetic? It’s 3:00 in the afternoon.”
“WHY IS THIS MUSIC SO LOUD?”
Instructor: “Find the beat and ride with it.”
“What the hell beat is she talking about, and how am I supposed to ride with it?”
“There is no way I used to be a cheerleader…”
“Crap I dropped my towel. Maybe I can grab it without anyone noticing… Nope people definitely noticed that.”
“Do people really enjoy sweating within mere inches of each other?”
“HOW ARE THEY DOING PUSHUPS?”
“These people must be in a cult.”
Instructor: “Turn your intensity up. We are going up a hill, but we are all going through it together. Lets help each other climb this hill.”
“No thanks. I am good. You guys can let me climb my hill on my own.”
“Have these people ever ridden a Citi bike? I am pretty sure it is a lot more difficult than this.”
“Crap, I have to ride my Citi bike home after this..”
“UGH my hair is sticking to my back. This is gross.”
“I can see the sweat on the girl’s seat in front of me.. Talk about swass.”
Instructor: “It’s time for us to ride home. Do this for you. Do this for anyone who has ever needed your help.”
“Ugh finally it is almost over. And no, I will not do this for anyone else, because if they saw me I bet they would laugh at me. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“Put your towels down, we are not at a rodeo.”
“How do I unhook my feet from this thing?”
“Well, that was embarrassing and awkward.”
In case you couldn’t tell, I am uncoordinated and hate working out near other people. Soul Cycle is not for me. I prefer my solitary mornings, complete with dark roads and no one talking to me. If loud, blaring, mind numbing music and finding the beat is what you look for in a workout, then Soul Cycle is for you.