As you have probably noticed, I haven’t written a blog in a while. It’s not because I haven’t been doing anything interesting, exciting or worth mention. In fact, it’s the exact opposite.
Over the past three months my life has been a tumultuous, changing, roller coaster of events, emotions and thoughts.
For starters, I moved apartments (as most of you already know). Then, I switched jobs and had a month interim where I didn’t feel like writing, because, well, some things don’t need to be made public. Then, I started my new job, and for the past month I have been adapting and learning and growing more than I ever thought I could.
These changes led me to new feelings and emotions. I no longer hate where I live (my old apartment was a DUMP), and I now feel comfortable with my home. I no longer hate my job, and I now feel like I am in an environment where I will continue to learn, grow, be challenged and, more importantly, respected.
All these changes made me complacent in life. I was so used to being miserable, I didn’t have anything to worry about or complain about or stress about or even cry about. It was weird. It was good, but weird.
All of this got me wondering if I only use this platform for the wrong reasons. Do I use it to complain? Do I use it to convince myself and others that my life isn’t really terrible? Do I use it to kind of distract myself from the real problems in my life and/or pretend they don’t bother me?
In short, I don’t know.
But, what I do know is that being content in my workplace and my home life has allowed me to reflect on what I REALLY want.
And thus, I not-so-gracefully segue to my change in thought.
What DO I want out of life? Is it to live in New York City for the rest of my life and just be content with my job and my work? Do I want to get my Master’s and spend my money on furthering my education? Because, I really, really do enjoy learning (so weird, I know). Or, do I want to just travel and try and see as many places as I can before I get too old to really enjoy being reckless and careless? Even though, I don’t think I have ever truly been reckless OR careless.
When I first set out to write this article, I thought I was going to write it about changes, about how life is constantly evolving, and we just need to learn to roll with it. But now that I am near the end I think it’s more about not growing complacent? Maybe? I don’t know. If you feel you know, then please share.
In the past month, however, I’ve realized happiness is a funny thing, because you can really focus on what your goals are. In the past two years I don’t believe I have been truly happy until, well, now. Which is WEIRD. And now that I am, I don’t want to just be complacent and keep things the way they are (maybe I will for a while because I am enjoying this happiness I found). But, I want to constantly challenge myself and grow and that means introducing new things to my life (i.e. grad school part-time, traveling, etc.).
To put it metaphorically, I am on the summit, and I know I can’t stay here forever, because altitude sickness is real. But, I think I might camp out for a couple of months before I descend to the valley and take on a new mountain.
That being said, sorry for the lack of posts. I thought I wanted to stop sharing my life because I had nothing to share, but I like writing, so I will keep it up.